Grasp

衝刺

吳星瑩

「然後，沒有然後了。
很久很久以後，成功或失敗的時刻，她仍然不斷想起不知去向的他。」

～《內在森林》山菅蘭植物誌～

「牠是我以為不被世界允許的我，牠是我曾經發誓全部丟棄的我。我狠狠捨離了牠，
而牠卻炯炯伏在最低暗處，注視著我；忠誠地在最孤寂處，等待著我。」

～《蒔：心靈時曆‧時映》
告別：霜降一候｜豺率先大肆追捕獵物～

原來，已經真的很近很近了，當已經追尋了很久很久。

原來，我最後欠缺的，是最後一刻的勇氣。

重新相信直覺，而不是經驗。

勇敢屏棄，循線已久，讓我得以來到這裡的憑恃。勇敢拾回，拋下已久，我千辛萬苦才克服的劣勢。

因為，能尋找到的皆已捕獲，只剩我遲遲還沒接受。

接受心裡那頭深藏的野獸。

不再挑惕所有繁華中的荒涼，只是領受。不再撇清非我所帶來的醜惡，只是承擔。

接受一切的結果，皆我吸引而來。接受這就是我一直渴望的獲得。

原來真正的抵達竟是，為自己想要的，完全負責。

I'm almost there. Yet I've almost run out.

The last piece I lack at last may be to grasp it.

What I lack may be to believe in my impulse once again, not in my experiences again and again.

Valiantly abandon what I depend on for so long. Valiantly acknowledge what I must abandon long time ago may be what I'm looking for.

There's nowhere to go except where I am.

There's nothing to be done except letting myself grasp me.

I at last accept not only the beauty outside but also the beast inside.

Accept what I've resisted is all attracted around by myself. Accept what hasn't been accepted by me is just what I desire.

Then I at last arrive. For I'm able to look after what I look forward to.