Refilled

彌補

吳星瑩

「我陷在深深的自己裡面，始終不肯承認，
我是所有的問號，也是所有的答案。」

～《內在森林》藤本月季植物誌～

「原來，我愛上的不是你。
我愛上的，是那些埋得很深的我被觸碰的時刻。」

～《蒔：心靈時曆‧時映》
過濾：小滿三候｜暑氣的先行預告～

在我內心，有一個深深的洞。

無邊無底，無窮無盡，如果我試圖補起它。

我把每個經過的你都填進去了，我把全部的自己都填進去了，仍然不是正確答案。

曾經空缺的永遠無法再被填滿，如果那格留白，就是生命選擇的答案。

而我不再回頭努力覆寫，不再用幸福來掩蓋悲哀，不再用盡自己的努力，來償還曾經的無能為力。

我輕輕讓所有空洞都裸露，以它真實的樣子，不再試圖修補。因為受傷的我，並不是可恥的樣子。

努力迎擊卻輸了的我，溫柔寧可不還擊的我，是最值得驕傲的樣子。

當我因此有空位，可以容納。當洞終於成為湖泊，棲息所有，同樣飄泊的你。

There is a hole drilled in my heart.

Deepest and endless if I long to fill it up.

I try to fill it with everyone passing me by, and with everything caught by me, yet I still can't find the correct answer to fill it in.

It is absent anyway, if the blank space is where life chooses to echo around with the moment.

Thus I don't try to fill it out anymore. I don't long to cover the sorrow with happiness, or redeem the inability with every effort.

I keep the hole empty in my heart as it is. I don't try to fix it up, not feeling ashamed for the scar anymore.

I feel proud instead, for my fighting till the last moment, yet for my turning the other cheek gently.

Thus my heart has room for residing. As the hole is at last refilled with all my tears of empathy, being a lake profound to dwell anyone straying.