Frozen
僵硬
吳星瑩
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「我穿梭於一條條裂縫，因為從來，只有我能縫補回自己。我珍惜著這樣重生的我，因為如果不曾碎裂過，不會明瞭如何對自己溫柔。」～《內在森林》球蘭植物誌～
「在心最深的角落，我蒙起頭，獨自無聲大哭。我在四周築了城牆，卻渴望有人能救我出去，
然後明白，沒有人能帶我逃離害怕。因為如果我最害怕的，就是我自己。」
～《蒔：心靈時曆‧時映》
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僵止是我們面臨危險時的本能。
當我不知道如何回應，我強迫暫停了時間。
我希望世界停下來等我，卻只有時間在我身上，持續停擺。一個個無形斷口，阻礙了感受流動，也錯亂理智思考。原本迥異的現在，都逐步重演出從前。
我用懷疑回覆善意，用體諒回報惡意。我開始不停逃跑，用偽裝不愛來逃跑，用抗拒去愛來逃跑。如果終於放棄被愛，是不是再也不用逃跑了？
我從來沒有真正面對你。橫亙之間的，是一直等著我，好好面對，被強迫暫停的那些自己。
好好哭泣出，那些憤怒。好好歡笑完，那些期待。好好地允許，那些遺憾。
然後好好能想像，我的未來。
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Being frozen is the instinct in the face of danger.
As I haven't known how to act, I stop myself for the moment.
I just wish to be given one more moment, but only cut the indivisible time into infinite pieces on me. The invisible cut stops me from feeling feelings moving, and from sensing the sense confused, while the present is acting as the past.
I deny the kindness in response, but forgive the malice in return. I keep escaping in disguise, and in disbelief. If I forsake the will to be loved, will I finally be spared an escape from the desire to love?
Thus I can never face you. If only I could confront myself between you and me.
Only if I cry all the anger out, join all the joy up, and set all the regret free.
I can be active one more time.
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10 days after Great Cold: Incubating
KEYWORD
by Singing Wu
by Singing Wu
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